I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
