Your dad touched me again.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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