Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
