so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
