He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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