does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
