Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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