kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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