just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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