Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
