he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
My dad is sitting where you rode me
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
