after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
