I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
