I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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