the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
