They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
