so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
