Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
