i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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