Banned from zoo.
Again?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize