Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
