I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
