seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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