Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
