I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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