i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Randomize
