I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize