so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
