he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just threw up on my dentist
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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