I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
