How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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