just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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