My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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