I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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