...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
