the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My life is pants optional.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
