The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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