guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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