Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
True strength comes from lack of pants
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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