where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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