I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
