Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
