I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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