There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
