Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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