thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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