i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
