Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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