hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Found the puke drawer
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
