awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
