omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
