He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
