Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
