We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
