Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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