I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
