are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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