the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Randomize