I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
