I accidentally burped into my bong.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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