I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
