Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize