Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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