I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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