I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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