I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
