This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
