then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
